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In the last few months, I’ve received some amazingly touching emails from readers who are also struggling to lose weight and adopt a new lifestyle who have managed to find a bit of inspiration in my weight-related posts. I remember just starting this process and how incredibly overwhelming it was, how alone I felt and it brings me incredible joy to feel as though I might in some small way be able to help some of you out as you stand in that very same spot. I’m no expert, I’m only human and I’m still learning all the time. And so, that’s why tonight I’m opting to share just how difficult the last couple of weeks have been for me instead of just glossing over it and pretending everything is peachy keen. Weight loss is not an overnight fix, it’s a lifelong commitment and a continual learning process and with that comes ups and downs.
My official before photo, taken in December of 2005 at my brother’s wedding. I wore a size 22.
One of my first “skinny” pictures on my 23rd birthday in 2006. I had already lost 35 pounds at this point. So in addition to feeling bored with my routine and stressed and what I call “snacky” and having to continually remind myself not to nibble out of antsiness, I’ve also started to grow a bit complacent. When I was a size 22 and over 270 pounds, I told myself if I could just get to a size 14 I would be grateful and never allow myself to gain the weight back. My theory was that a size 14 would allow me to dramatically improve my health risks, shop at normal clothing stores, and be cute while still curvy. I was, and still am, an adamant believer that a woman does not have to be a size 2 to be beautiful, attractive, healthy and fit.
Well, size 14 came and went and now I’m working on fitting into my first pair of size 10 jeans ever in my adult life and part of me is just over it all. I know physically I’m a lot more fit and in better shape than a lot of women I know who are significantly smaller and thinner than I am, and generally speaking I’m pretty happy with how I look. M has loved me since he met me at a size 16 and for him its all gravy at this point…he’s always found me beautiful and the smaller I get, the better I look it’s all just a bonus. He would have loved me, married me and been an amazing husband regardless of whether or not those size 10 jeans ever fit.
Soon after I met M as a size 16, down approximately 60 pounds by then.
So right now I’m at this point where the two sides of my brain are fighting. One side is telling me enough is enough, a woman does not have to be a size 2 to look amazing, it’s ok to stay where I am at a size 10/12. The other side is saying that stopping now is not an option, not until I am wearing that goal size 8, period the end. But then I wonder….when I get into an 8, is it going to be enough? Am I always going to look in the mirror and still somedays see the size 22 I once was? When does it stop? When will enough be enough? Unfortunately, I’m not entirely sure, but like I said, I am still learning and I’m still figuring this whole thing out.
Minus 100 pounds as a bridesmaid for my dear friend’s wedding this past summer.For now, I believe I’m largely at peace with where I am and what I’ve accomplished. My plan right now is to push for another 20 pounds, reevaluate how I feel and where I’m at and possibly give that last 10 pounds a go. I am focusing on trying to keep my nasty habitual tendencies in check, finding other outlets for boredom and stress and staying the course. Sometimes the slope gets slippery, but you have keep climbing. I gave myself yesterday off to keep from going crazy, indulge some cravings and regroup. I’m largely thinking it was succesful as today I feel reengerized, refreshed and rejuvenated to keep going. Hopefully I can lose the couple of pounds I’ve put on in quick fashion and report new losses and new milestones soon. In the meantime, let this be a reminder that no one is perfect, we’re only human, slip ups happen and all you can do is pick yourself up, dust off and keep on keepin’ on.
Thank you, I SO needed to read this today. I have lost an incredible amount of weight, but since Christmas, and the last few weeks especially, I can feel my self slipping back into old habits.
You are inspiration my sweet, and so as of right now, I start again.
Wow, I am so impressed by how much weight you’ve lost and your honesty. Thank-you for sharing your story with us, it has been incredibly inspiring and touching to read it.
You look soooooo amazing, beautiful! What an inspiration you are! Incredible.
Girl you look amazing and you have made some serious progress!! You are truly inspirational to us all!
Congrats on the weight loss – that’s incredible! Hooray for you. I say you stop when you really feel you are at the goal you want to be at.
Well said, Cyd. And so honest! You’re a great inspiration.
You’re beautiful
I loved reading this post, and it just gives me that much more of a push to get up and go work out in the mornings. I just keep telling myself, you can do it, you can do it!!!
I agree with all the comments above; I needed this to kickstart myself again. I’m WAY too good at coming up with excuses not to go to the gym and if I do get there, I’m pretty good at getting myself home ASAP. The boy started going to the gym with me and lost almost 20 lbs. in like 5 weeks – which was NOT motivating!! Why is it so much easier for boys?
Not sure when I started following your blog, but have been for at leat 3-4 months now. Until this post I never realized how far you’d come in your weight loss journey. Seriously A-MAZ-ING! You look fantastic and obviously feel it. In my opinion, you should keep going as long as you feel healthy and not worry about the size you’re in. I have always tried to lose weight mostly just to look good. Stress has taken a toll on me and I developed insulin resistance, adrenal fatique, and hypothyroidism. Now I exercise and watch what I eat just to FEEL good and because it’s needed and not just wanted. My point is- above all do it for you, for your health and never for the size! Keep looking fab in the meantime! Great job!
WOW!! You are a true inspiration for all who have ever struggled with their weight or even for people who has just gained some weight that they want to lose. Good luck!
PS. I have been reading your blog for quite some time. I am from upstate western NY and I just cannot wait to see how your wedding comes together!
congrats for what you have lost so far! keep pushin for the rest…you can do it!!
What a great post!! You look amazing. Thanks for sharing your story
I found your blog through weddingbee and have been reading for the past few months. This post really resonates with me and its good to know that “I am not alone.” I am a size 22 and have been battling weight problems for as long as I can remember- elementary school I think the teasing started. To hear you say you’ve lost 100 lbs and been able to keep it off (for the most part) is amazing. Its like there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me too. This past January I said enough is enough and decided to do something about it, instead of feeling sorry for myself. I joined Curves and try to go 4-5 times a week. Let me tell you it has been a SLOW battle, much slower than I could have imagined. I too keep telling myself that I would be ecstatic to be a size 14. That’s one size smaller than I was when I met my fiance 5 years ago. We’re getting married August 1st and while I know I wont be losing 100 lbs before then, I already feel like I have more energy, and I’m starting to feel better about myself. I bought my wedding dress for the size I am now, and if it needs to be taken in before the wedding, thats just an added bonus to the beginning of my new healther, thinner life! Thanks for the inspiration Cyd!